its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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