margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
