I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
