it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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