I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
