she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
