Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
