What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
