NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
