You're completely useless in the revolution.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think my vagina is haunted
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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