I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
