i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
