I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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