That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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