WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
