Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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