Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
