this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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