hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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