GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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