Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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