Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
