Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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