im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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