apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
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