new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize