I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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