I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
