really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
