Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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