Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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