her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How naked do you want me to be?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
