What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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