Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize