I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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