Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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