if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
