I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
