he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
