grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
