I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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