Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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