I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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