well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize