well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
