but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize