Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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