He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
