You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
