I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
