I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
