Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
