I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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