dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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