you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
