we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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