Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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