Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
