fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
