"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
