HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
