Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
