I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
