There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
