I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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