im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
