i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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