You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
