Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
