i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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