awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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