Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like a drive thru vagina
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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