I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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