i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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